A Sparrow's Blasphemy
by SpartanSister
Summary: Jack Sparrow narrowly escapes the Navy by seeking sanctuary in Port Royal's church...an interesting choice of refuge, one might say :


Author's Notes : This is purely a little fun I had when the fiancé left me for the weekend! A house full of white wine, a Pirates of the Caribbean DVD…and my own dangerously wicked muse…Also, just a little fact – St. Paul's was indeed the main church in Port Royal until it was destroyed by an earthquake in 1692. Please review! I really do appreciate even the smallest of feedback, and it gives me the push to go on writing.

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The small white building of St. Paul's church lay on the outskirts of Port Royal. It was far quieter here, and more peaceful, and there were only ever a few souls seen straying to this part of the town. This summer morning was no exception. There was a good view of the sea from this area of high ground, and it sparkled blue and silver under the bright rays of the Caribbean sun. Murmurs of townsfolk could be heard in the distance, and only a single dark-skinned woman walked down the street, moving lazily as she holds a basket to her head of cascading curly hair. She dropped her gaze from the glare of the Sun, humming absentmindedly to herself.

Out of nowhere, a man came running awkwardly from one of the side streets, knocking her to one side. Her basket fell to the floor, clean sheets for the Governor's house spilling over the sandy ground, and she saw a mass of black braids cross her vision. Turning angrily, she yelled something foreign, before raising her hands in mock defeat.

The man seemed to slow and turn round at her words, flashing a grin in her direction and pressing his hands together, bowing slightly. His golden skin appeared to be sopping wet, as were his breeches and yellowed shirt…which had indeed seen far better days. Strong facial features and sculpted cheekbones worked together to express amusement, and his dark eyes sparkled with mischief.

"Sorry, luv." He tipped his hat. Apparently the only part of him that wasn't wet.

Knowing well who the man was, she pursed her lips angrily and placed her hands to her hips. "Ye' are a menace, Jack Sparrow."

Wincing through kohl lined eyes; he moved towards her. "It's 'captain,' Amma. You know this, and I –"

The sound of gunfire stopped him suddenly in his tracks, and he shrugged quickly. "Love to stop and chat, darlin'…but piracy calls…"

"Oh be gone with ye', 'fore I turn you in myself."

Amma got to her knees to retrieve the sheets, not in the least bit alarmed by the sound of musket fire so close by. If she had come across this notorious pirate before, and indeed she had, she knew that whatever the redcoats wanted him for this time…there was no doubt he deserved it. Cheeky, deceitful, misleading, disrespectful, uncanny, rude…trouble had a habit of following him around. Although as much as she hated to admit it, he was still the most intelligent man she knew, and that made him a very dangerous enemy of the British Navy.

She ducked her head as several redcoats made their way past her. When she was sure they'd all passed, she looked up to see how many tailed him this time. The whole fleet perhaps? Maybe this time they'd actually manage to catch him? But to her own amusement, she saw several of the armed men disappear into the little white building to her side…St. Paul's church. There was the loud sound of gunfire from inside.

Laughing out loud, she shook her head in disbelief.

"No respect. He has no respect for anythin…'"

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_Bang! _

"Jack Sparrow, I am arresting you on several accounts of piracy…there is nowhere left to run but the gallows. Discard your weapon and stop this madness."

Captain Jack Sparrow ducked low in the chapel aisles, holding his pistol securely in his hand. He patted his hat gently; making sure it was still set firmly on his head, before beginning to conclude his last methods of escape. The air in the church smelt rich with gunfire, and the sounds of disapproving and frightened clergymen echoed wildly throughout the whole building. There were a lot of people in this large room, although he doubted he could even move without being recognised immediately.

Grinning, his dark eyes sparkled with the intensity and somewhat uniqueness of the situation, and he got on all fours slowly. Careful not to make any sudden movements, he listened to any footsteps coming his way. The infantry men had apparently decided to stop firing at him randomly in the chapel…probably the result of the resident nuns screaming blasphemy. He already knew that the main entrance to the church would be blocked, but indeed, there had to be other ways…

There are always at least two exit routes in any building, he reminded himself. Years of escaping redcoats and eager women had taught him that much.

Holding a breath, he crept forwards on all fours. He had to play this just right.

"Madness, Lieutenant?" The pirate spoke loudly, his voice a mixture of complete arrogance and confidence as he moved. "It is not I who's tryin' to commit murder in the House of God."

The Lieutenant turned his head sharply in the direction of the voice, sudden enough to spot movement. The pirate captain ran down his selected chapel aisle, disappearing behind the yellowing pillars that ran the length of both sides. He was quick, too quick, and the Lieutenant cursed loudly.

"Damn you Sparrow!"

A nun nearby let out a gasp of disbelief at his words, and Jack let out a low laugh. And he thought the women of Tortuga were touchy…

Hearing the marching footsteps in the direction of the pillars, Jack watched as the Lieutenant signalled for several armed men to follow him. The rest, to his annoyance, still stood blocking the main way out.

Loud gunfire and screams echoed loudly in the building again as Jack suddenly rushed down the side aisle. His form was barely visible as he shot past the pillars, knowing well that the gaps were nowhere big enough to get a clear shot of him. Stopping quickly against one of them, he watched as the Lieutenant and a few other men came into view. Pressing himself against the cold stone, he turned quickly to locate another escape route.

The few windows above him cast a strange light on his features as he searched, and the sun's rays sent several shadows dancing across his strong cheekbones. The column he was against was huge, and just enough to succumb his whole form into shadow. Darkness made him look far more dangerous.

Reluctant to admit it though, his chances were not looking promising…

Having been in this position too many times to count, he was damned if he'd be caught this once. Being hung wasn't a pleasant experience, and Jack knew only too well that almost-certain-death seemed to follow him around on his heels….but he wasn't going to die by the Navy's hands. No, he still had too many things to accomplish…like getting the Pearl back for example, and using his single shot to send Barbossa to Davey Jones. No, death would have to wait a little while longer…

"There ye' are." He muttered, his black gaze finally resting on a half-opened door at the very back of the church. It was half covered with a rich green cloth, but there nonetheless….and Jack had very little time to get to it.

Turning back to the Lieutenant and his men, he moved slowly out of the shadows. There was no way he'd make it without being shot at…and this time the damn infantry would have a far better line of sight. No, he would 'surrender,' and the mere thought of it made his lips dance with amusement.

Swaggering out lazily, Jack stretched his arms out wide. He was aware of the sudden muskets aimed at him, and he smirked openly at the Lieutenant. The man's blue gaze watched him like a hawk, watched as he guided one foot after the other, seemingly walking backwards at a slow and extremely contained pace. He lifted his sights to the pistol in the pirate's dirty hand, and spoke.

"Drop the pistol, Sparrow. Drop it or I'll order my men to fire."

Jack merely nodded, his almost black gaze still set intently on the Lieutenant. With a slight move of his finger, he pulled the trigger. He had no intention of using the damned thing, but it would work far better in his favour if it looked like he would. Indeed, he was a pirate after all. He had a reputation to live up to…

Smiling lopsidedly and cocking his head to the side, he shrugged. He needed to buy just enough time.

"I don't quite fancy hangin' today, Lieutenant.'" He brought his hands back to his front quickly, moving them in a somewhat elaborate gesture before him. "What say you let me go, and I leave the chapel…and Port Royal…and neva' come back?"

Still moving backwards, Jack's sea swagger was suddenly obvious to the Lieutenant and he retorted quickly. The damn fool was getting on his nerves…again. Never come back? Jack Sparrow made a point of appearing at the most inconvenient of times, and today had been no exception.

"A dead pirate is a good pirate, Mr Sparrow. Whether you die now by the bullet, or later by the noose…it is of no concern to me." He paused, eyeing the pirate's slow backward movements. "Although the latter is certainly more appealing to me, seeing as it will be a far longer and more appropriate death for such a criminal as yourself."

Jack let out a low laugh, aware that his slow backward movements were now being mirrored with the infantries' forward ones. He fancied looking over his shoulder to see how close to the door he'd moved, but he knew that it'd only earn him a bullet in the chest. No, he would wait for the opportune moment.

"Men, if Mr. Sparrow takes one more step backwards…" The Lieutenant began dangerously, and Jack stopped instantly, placing a once raised foot back to the ground before him. "…shoot him."

The Lieutenant looked somewhat pleased with the pirate's response, but was still aware of his ever critical gaze upon him. He was sizing him up, that much was obvious, and the smirk set on his lips professed that he had some form of plan hidden up his dirty sleeves…although quite what, he could not guess.

"Did I offend you in a previous life?" Jack enquired, arching an eyebrow at the man, and watching as his men slowly began to lower their weapons. "'Cause I don' remember threatenin' you before, or stealin' from you. I mean I've done it to otha' people, to be sure, but – "

"Save your confessions, Sparrow." The Lieutenant walked forwards more confidently now, hand placed firmly upon his own pistol. Although not raised, he held it at his side, just waiting for the moment that the pirate would make his next escape attempt…for indeed, he knew that he would. This wasn't just any mindless scallywag, this was a man wanted by several countries for nearly every crime linked with piracy. He'd underestimated Sparrow before.

He motioned his men forwards. "Place him in irons, and be on your guard. Mr. Sparrow isn't the best pirate you'll come across, but he is indeed one of the most sly and – "

Jack's eyes glittered with annoyance, both at the Lieutenant's words and at the redcoats starting towards him. Shaking his head in mock disbelief, he watched as the Lieutenant moved closer still.

"Don't even think about running, Sparrow." He spoke somewhat smugly, before turning back to his men.

However this was the exact moment that Jack had been waiting for, and in one quick and fluid movement, Jack lifted his pistol in the Lieutenant's direction. He aimed true, right at the navy man's forehead.

"Now I think it's you who won't be movin' forward anymore, savvy?" Jack took a step towards the suddenly very quiet man, pressing the metal of his pistol to the pale skin of his forehead. He acknowledged the infuriated flash of anger that crossed the man's features. Dropping his gaze to the man's right hand, Jack removed the pistol from his grasp and tossed it aside. "And may I remind you, that the name's _'Captain'_ Jack Sparrow, and I am indeed, the best pirate you will ever come across."

Turning back to the navy men, he grinned wolfishly, before coming close to the Lieutenant's ear. "Now tell your men to leave me be."

"You're not going to shoot me. You'd never get out of here alive." Although the naval man's voice was quieter, and indeed, far less confident and patronising, there was still a hint of doubt playing on his features.

Jack's gaze darkened, and he leant towards the seaman, tightening his grip on the pistol.

"You're right. But I'm a pirate, mate, are you willing to test my metal?"

Jack moved back, awaiting the Lieutenant's orders…although none came. The man merely followed the pirate with his eyes, apparently not daring to move his head.

He continued. "How did you imagine your death, Lieutenant? On a ship? In a battle with a worthy cause? An honourable soldier's death to be sure…" He cocked his head again sharply, his voice dropping to a mere whisper. "Or perhaps by a single pirate with a single pistol? While your own men watch helplessly and do nothin…'"

Jack looked impatient for a second, before turning back to the men with an impassive and cold look on his face.

"Well seein' as the Lieutenant has indeed lost his voice, let mine be the voice of reasonin'. Drop your weapons on the floor."

He expected a hesitation before him, but the men did indeed do as they were told. All weapons cluttered to the ground noisily, and Jack surveyed the church slowly. All members of the clergy had disappeared, and he shrugged. The damn redcoats would not leave unless they knew for certain that their Lieutenant was safe…honourable cretins…

"Now I want you to step away from your effects, and walk to face the back wall, savvy?"

Jack watched as a confused frown crossed all of the soldiers' faces, and he raised his other hand in annoyance. "Gentlemen, do not argue with a pirate who's quickly losing his patience…especially when said pirate has your lieutenant at gun point. Do as I tell ye!"

"Do what he says." A bold voice spoke next to Jack, who looked up to the Lieutenant quite suddenly. A wolfish grin marked his mouth again, and he used his free hand in a sweeping bow.

"Your Lieutenant even agrees wit' me." Jack laughed, amused but not once taking his eyes away from each and every redcoat. Slowly, they all turned and walked away from their weapons, coming close to the back wall. Jack suppressed a laugh as one walked straight into a rather large and heavy looking candlestick, before steadying it with his frightened hands.

Clearing his throat, he continued. Amusement obvious in every word.

"Now gentlemen, I'm goin' to be on my way…and you aren't to follow me, savvy? And my dear Lieutenant…I didn' quite catch you name?"

Jack swayed close to the navy man, rejoicing in the disgust and repulsion written on every one of his features. He even curled his top lip back as his spoke.

"Lieutenant Gilette."

"Aye, Gilette. Do send my regards to the Commodore when I escape yet again…and tell 'im it was a close one this time. But indeed, I am the infamous _Captain_ Jack Sparrow and you will remember this as the day that you almost caught me…again. Yours is a funny ol' luck, ain't it?"

The Lieutenant gritted his teeth, and Jack remembered only too well how much he enjoyed mocking the British Navy…they were so easy to provoke. Piracy was the number one cause for concern in this area of the Caribbean, and yet again the best buccaneer was about to slip out from under their fingertips. It was true, he was getting closer to being caught every time, but indeed…his luck was yet to run out. And he had no intentions of stopping in Port Royal for longer the necessary.

Looking to the floor, Jack kicked away any nearby weapons, before looking back to the Lieutenant. Clicking the trigger back in its place, he removed the pistol from the redcoat's forehead…awaiting a reaction but receiving none. As always, the dear Lieutenant looked as composed and as infuriated as ever, and Jack cocked his head to the side again.

"Port Royal'd be no fun without me, now would it?"

Winking, Jack turned and sprinted towards the back of the church, pushing his weight against the back door and disappearing behind it. He heard the familiar shouts of the Lieutenant behind him as he entered the church garden, before moving quickly around the outer wall of the building. The redcoats would indeed follow him out that very door, and he would simply wonder back round to the front again…

And he was right. The redcoats slammed their way out of the backdoor, and jogged hurriedly down the path they assumed he'd run. Only they were wrong, and Jack watched from the shade with an amused glint in his eye.

"Pride of the King's Navy, eh?" He laughed, tipping his hat and turning back to his original path.


End file.
